Life consists of many great big chunks of unknowns. My most recent is the possibility of kidney cancer. Probably not, but the possibility is there, and of course that possibility gets me thinking. What if I DO have cancer? At the worst – Am I ready to suffer and to die? Can I handle going through chemo and/or radiation? And does it matter whether or not I’m ready or whether I can handle it? If I have to do it, I have to do it. At the moment my mindset is “What will be, will be!” And I’m not worried. I have never been seriously ill – but I know that there’s always a first time. No one gets out of life unscathed. I’m 74 years old and damned lucky to live this long without any major illnesses.

I hope I hear from my pcp tomorrow. I will likely have to have a biopsy done – although maybe not. I don’t know.

The more I read the MRI report, the scarier it gets. I should stop looking up stuff on the internet. It’s 2:42 AM – and I am wide awake. This is ridiculous.