Updated Reality

Here it is December 2022. So much has changed since I last posted in Living Real With Carol. First, in August 2021, my mother died as I held her hand. In August 2022, my sister Beth died. Both of them died as a result of strokes. My life has changed forever. Beth was my youngest sister, and I still can’t comprehend that she is truly gone.

2022 was a year of major surgeries for me. In January I had total knee replacement in my right knee. The recovery was fairly easy. That’s in retrospect. At the time it was rough. I had to sleep in a recliner for several weeks because my knee was too sensitive to sleep in bed. I did all the physical therapy required, and although there is still some tenderness and numbness in my knee, I can walk all I want with no problem at all. I am so grateful for the surgery since my activity was so limited before surgery.

In July – just a couple of weeks before Beth died (which is why I couldn’t travel to be with her after her stroke), I had gastric bypass and hiatal hernia repair. Recovery from that surgery is STILL ongoing – although the first two months were particularly difficult. It was much MUCH harder to recover from than the knee replacement. When Beth had her first few small strokes and then her major one, I wanted so much to go be with her, but I couldn’t. And the doctors were right because it was such a difficult recuperation. However I did attend her funeral and even spoke at it three weeks after surgery – which took all I had at the time. The night before her funeral, I was so sick in the hotel room, but was okay by morning.

There is a story behind getting gastric bypass surgery. Last year I decided to look into bariatric surgery because I’d been through so many diets starting from when I was a teenager – Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, Nutrisystem, Phen-Fen, Phentermine by itself, low-fat, Atkins, Keto, counting macros, fasting, and so on. Except for the Phen-Fen and Phentermine, I was not able to lose enough or maintain weight loss. And the drugs had horrible side effects which made me unwilling to continue them long term. I didn’t really plan to get surgery, I was just curious to see if I could qualify for it.

Most importantly, by last year I was battling so many health issues – high blood pressure, high cholesterol, pre-diabetes, fatty liver, mild sleep apnea, IBS, frequent diverticulitis, and horrible GERD. I had to take Nexium (proton pump inhibitor) every day and still sometimes the reflux was bad.

So I went to the Vanderbilt weight loss clinic since they were the only ones who would consider surgery on someone over 70 years old. That’s a good thing because Vandy is a “Center of Excellence” for bariatric surgery. I talked to the surgeon and he felt I would qualify for surgery. There was a long list of requirements from my insurance, and one of those was an endoscopy. I’m so thankful for that requirement because when I saw the photos of my stomach taken during the endoscopy, I was horrified. My stomach was basically wall to wall polyps – small, medium, and large. Dozens and dozens of them.

What is associated with the development of stomach polyps? Proton pump inhibitors like Nexium. I had taken Nexium every day for probably twenty years. I never even thought about possible side effects. it kept me from having heartburn and so I took it every single day.

I immediately went from casually considering bariatric surgery to being absolutely certain that I needed it asap because one thing gastric bypass does in almost 100% of cases is end acid reflux immediately. And with no acid reflux I could stop taking Nexium. I felt an urgency to get the surgery as soon as possible. With all my digestive issues, I felt that those polyps were at least part of it all.

I barely qualified for the surgery based on my BMI – and was told to definitely NOT lose weight before insurance approval. With my BMI I also had to have at least one serious weight-related condition to qualify. I had several. So I fulfilled all the requirements – psychological testing, nutritional counseling, support groups, a second endoscopy to “de-bulk” my stomach polyps (they removed about 40 polyps). On July 21st I had gastric bypass and hiatal hernia repair at Vanderbilt.

I’m almost five months post-op now. I’m ahead of my weight loss goals. I had hoped to be down 50 lbs by Christmas. I made that by Thanksgiving. I’m now about 54 lbs. down. Weight loss has slowed, but that’s fine. I’m content to lose a pound or so each week. At the beginning I was losing about five pounds a week. Then it gradually slowed down – which is exactly what is expected.

Most importantly, a week after surgery I stopped taking Nexium and haven’t had heartburn at all since then. I’ve cut my blood pressure meds in half. I’ve stopped taking daily gout meds and IBS meds. Since the Vandy weight loss clinic monitors my vitamin levels carefully, I’ve got those in balance now.

However, since my mother’s and Beth’s stroke – plus another sister, Joan, had a stroke in her eye last spring that left her blind in one eye, my pcp and I both agree that I don’t want to stop taking my cholesterol med since that’s my best defense against strokes. So Lipitor will likely be a part of life from now on.

The only negative is that one of my liver enzyme level and my bilirubin level are elevated. So I’m going in tomorrow for a ultrasound to make sure my liver and gall bladder are okay. I sure hope I don’t have to have gall bladder surgery.

2022 was a challenging year – so sad with Beth’s death, and so hard with my surgeries and recuperations. But also encouraging in other ways.

You’ve got to get momentum

idenk > Supporting Teams > Are You In A FFO?The dictionary defines momentum as “strength or force gained by motion or by a series of events.” After two weeks of gaining weight while completely sticking to my WW plan, I realized my enthusiasm for sticking with my commitment was compromised – and I yielded to that lack of enthusiasm over the weekend. It’s almost humorous to think of the things that I eat when I’m feeling defeated.  It varies. This time it was Rice Krispies Treats. I actually lost count of how many I ate. I logged it as 8, and I think that’s accurate . . . but I’m not 100% sure.

Adam Braun Quote: “For any movement to gain momentum, it ...

I was starting down a familiar path – that of thinking about what a loser I am – except for weight – can’t seem to lose that. How I start things and don’t finish them. How I have never successfully lost weight and kept it off long term. Those voices in my head were gaining strength.

I stopped, though. Did I want those voices to gain momentum like they have in the past, or did I want to change direction and gain momentum in a positive direction?

You know what stopped me? Last week in one of the Facebook WW groups that I’m in, someone wrote something about how we should stand naked in front of mirror and name ten positive things about our bodies. I did that a few days ago – and I couldn’t come up with ten. I could only see the negatives – the extra weight, the scars, the blemishes. I wondered if maybe in my heart I feel I don’t “deserve” to be at a healthy weight.  I also wondered what made me become so hard on myself – so critical and unforgiving. Why is self-judgment my go-to response?

This morning when I woke up, I knew I had to stop, change course, and build some momentum away from Rice Krispies Treats and towards success. One success builds momentum towards another success. It all goes back to the Atomic Habits I’ve written about several times before.

So I logged my breakfast, and then left to run a bunch of errands – first I had a dentist appointment, then to the post office and UPS office to mail packages. I picked up some papers at my husband’s office and made a quick grocery store stop for fish and some herbal teas.  Except for the dentist office, those were errands I’d been putting off since last week. I got it all done. I felt good about handling so many little nagging errands. I stopped by Chick Fil A and had their grilled chicken nuggets for lunch. I got only the nuggets. No, I assured them, I didn’t want to “make it a meal” with fries and a coke.

7 Techniques How To Get Motivated To Do Anything

I came home and felt good. I did some work around the house, took a 20-minute nap and, with my husband, planned our dinner.

Today was my STOP-REASSESS-CHANGE COURSE day. I started with a small act (handing errands I had been procrastinating on since last week). I continued to build momentum by sticking to only grilled chicken for lunch.  And then I had fish and vegetables for dinner. Snacks were all low point and moderate-sized servings. I’m ending the day having used only 19 of my 23 daily points. The extra points will roll over into my weekly points, which is good since I used so many weekly points yesterday.

Momentum. I learned I can get it back or shift its direction simply by stopping and deliberately doing something in the direction I want to go. That success moves me to another success, and so it goes.

And one day soon, I intend to do the naked-in-front-of-the-mirror thing again. This time I will come up with ten positive things. After all, this body has seen me through 71+ years of life, it grew two amazing babies, rocked children and later grandchildren to sleep. I like my green eyes and the fact that my hair has just a little natural curl to it. That’s a good start.

Being overweight is hard. Losing weight is hard. I have to choose my hard, and I choose losing weight.

 

Thursday Morning Thoughts

Just a quick thought for this morning. I’m becoming a little fixated on the scale. I’ve been weighing every morning. Two days ago I was up. Yesterday I was down. I recognize this pattern from all the dieting I’ve done over the years – and it’s not a healthy pattern. I become obsessed with my weight, and that’s not what I want for myself.

So a new resolution: I will weigh ONLY on Friday mornings, That’s it.  No in-between. I’ve got to end this obsession before it derails me!

One other observation: I’m still doing “secret eating.” Yesterday I had the house to myself for several hours. What’s the first thing I did? I ate FOUR Rice Krispies treats – which was 14 points. I logged them and counted the points, but WHY? I didn’t really want four Rice Krispies treats – but it was like I suddenly had the freedom to eat whatever I wanted. That’s not healthy thinking. I can eat whatever I want whenever I want – as long as I track it and stay within my points.  There’s no need to binge.

This lifestyle is a different way of thinking, and changing long-held practices takes time. However, I am committed to this!

Tomorrow’s weigh-in will be interesting. I have used up all my daily and weekly points last week and this week. Supposedly I should still lose weight. Last week I gained. Hopefully tomorrow I will have lost.

Sugar Free Banana Chocolate Chip Muffins

I saw another recipe on Facebook and decided to try it. Sugar Free Banana Muffins. It would be banana bread if you put it in a loaf pan instead of muffin tins. I wasn’t terribly impressed with them – although when they were warm and right out of the oven, they were pretty good. But they’re also on the dry side – just a little – which is not how muffins should be.  

The base is a sugar free yellow cake mix. Then use very ripe bananas, eggs, and sugar-free chocolate chips.

I like these baking chips. It comes out to just a few chips per muffin. So I chopped them in order to spread out the chocolatey goodness more.

The muffins turned out more cakey than I prefer. I’m going to add some unsweetened applesauce next time to try to change the consistency and moistness.

Here’s the recipe I used:

Sugar Free Banana Chocolate Chip Muffins

1 box Pillsbury Sugar-Free Yellow Cake Mix
3 eggs
3-4 ripe bananas, mashed
81 grams Lily’s semi-sweet Chocolate chips (optional)

Mash the bananas, add the eggs, and mix well.
Add the cake mix and mix well.
Divide evenly among 12 muffin tins.

3 points (blue) per muffin without chocolate chips
4 points (blue) per muffin with chocolate chips

Small Steps

I wanted a way to look at my goals as a “big picture” thing rather than getting hung up on whether or not I lose weight in my weekly weigh-ins. I thought a monthly tracker would be good. So I found this graphic that I liked. I love the colors and the soft and simple look of it. The first of each month, I will publish a post with my monthly and cumulative totals. I started WW on July 19, 2020. So the July total is for a week and 5 days.


I want to give myself a year to lose the weight I need to lose. No rush. It’s about making healthy eating and living a HABIT.

The new Weight Watchers plan – Green, Blue, and Purple plans – seems so much easier than before. I’m on the Blue plan. WW matched me with the Green plan, but after just a couple days, I knew that Blue was a better fit and switched to it.

A couple years ago, I read a booked titled Atomic Habits. It made a big impression on me. The book showed how developing small habits have a cumulative effect over time – like compound interest on money. So I’ve been trying to develop some healthy atomic habits.